A FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL

From the very beginning of writing this Travels in Life series my focus as been on my desire to read, write and speak eloquently.  I have written about my country childhood deprived of music and books. I’ve have written about my twenty-five year marriage when I was kept so busy that I found it almost impossible to read or study.

When my marriage ended I began a two year fight to avoid bankruptcy, selling my home, the factory and attempting to sell my farm in an endeavour to pay the debts which had been incurred in my name. Just as joint assets may be divided for a divorce settlement, the Family Law Court also considers such as debts as were in my name, joint debts of the marriage. In addition, my husband had signed a guarantee to meet any shortfall when purchasing the factory.  His wealth of more than a million dollars was tied up in family trusts within the transport company controlled by his father, uncle and brother. This meant that I wasn’t fighting for my rights against one runaway husband, but against four ruthless men determined to protect their family assets.

My other battle was against depression. I could envisage no future that I wanted to live. Although I knew my husband had ended our marriage because I had become a financial liability, I felt that he had taken “The best years of my life” and then discarded me like a worn out rag.

My anxiety was deepened by fear of the unknown. I continued to see my psychiatrist for medication and counseling as I talked my way through this period. He helped me to understand that my longing to be loved by this man was a form of addiction, much like many women experience who stay with brutal, wife beating men. I saw that throughout our marriage my husband had displayed a form of passive aggression. The psychiatrist advised me that if the marriage hadn’t ended when it did, Stewart would have destroyed me. He helped me see my love for Stewart like that of a drug addict craving heroin.

All this was happening while I was still coping with the physical work related to trying to keep the factory and farm functioning until I could find buyers. My women friends were sympathetic, but I didn’t want to burden them with my tears, so sought the advice of a woman counselor, a psychologist. She was of great assistance for two reasons.

• She suggested I undertake the Myers/Briggs tests to determine my personality and temperament type, saying she thought I was one of the rare ones. This proved true. I am an Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive an INFP. From then on I read psychology voraciously as I tried to come to an understanding of myself and others around me.
• I mentioned that every week I was writing a letter to Margaret Arnott in Canada, pouring out the anguish I felt. She advised me to keep a copy of all these letters and put them into a book format. “One day,” she said,” your book could be of great value to another woman facing your present situation.”

Stewart had left Dalby immediately after telling me he wanted a divorce, leaving me alone to clean up the mess he had created. He moved hundreds of kilometres away to make a fresh start with a woman who had been his lover during the last year of our marriage while he planned his escape. It was there that he placed our youngest son in boarding school, far from me. He divorced me 2 days before the wedding of our daughter Debra.

Finally, more than two years after he deserted me, my legal team brought him to trial before a judge of the Family Law Court. After two days his legal team could not mount a defense. They asked me to settle out of Court. I had never sought vengeance. I asked that his affairs be placed in the hands of an Official Receiver, that his assets be sold, that our joint debts and legal costs be paid, and that any remaining money be divided equally. His legal team forced him to agree to this.

It does not matter to me that he was able to secrete money and that the assets were never equally divided. What was important to me was that I retained my sense of integrity.

After the factory was sold, I had abandoned the small farm and moved to live in Toowoomba where I could obtain work as a kitchen hand. It was there that I met Eberhard Helwig, who owned a coffee shop restaurant. A man of German birth, he was fourteen years older than me and frequently able to offer wise advice. Through this troubled time while I fought for a settlement to clear my debts, he became a steady rock upon which I could lean. We were married on 28th November, 1988 in a civil ceremony with 2 witnesses.

Fay and Eberhard

The Official Receiver, unable to sell my farm, returned it to my ownership free of debt, as part of my settlement. In addition I received a cash amount of twenty thousand dollars. I used a small portion of this money to purchase a computer and I began to write in earnest. Taking the earlier advice of my counselor I wrote a biographical novel based on the story of my marriage, desertion and fight for a just settlement. It was cathartic as once more I poured out my sense of betrayal. When the manuscript was completed I sent it to the editor of Allen & Unwin, who to my surprise, read it. In 1992 she advised me that my novel, The Dingo Ran, was an enthralling story, but much too long for the Australian market.

In the interim I had placed a small advertisement in a Dalby newspaper, offering my farm for sale with vendor finance. The son of the man from which I had bought the farm approached me, offering me a house as part payment for the farm. We negotiated a contract. After a period of time I was able to sell the house and he was also able to pay me the balance of the money owing on the farm.

By 1992 Eberhard and I were in a financially sound position. Eberhard wished to retire, but I was too young at 52 to consider retirement an option. Nor was I ready to be a full time writer. Perhaps I could have written a shorter version of The Dingo Ran, which perhaps Allen & Unwin would have published, but I could not steel myself to pursue the matter further. I did not wish to inflict further pain on my children. Nor did I have any other story I wanted to write.

We compromised and purchased a farm at Glen Aplin on the Granite Belt where we established Das Helwig Haus B&B.

To be continued.